You can't escape yourself. Even if you go on a drinking debacle or travel the world or jump from lover to love, there you are!
If we are stuck with ourselves, we might as well love the crap out of it!
I have suffered the majority of my life form the belief that I was not good enough, that I was different, and that ultimately I was incapable of being loved. Wow, this belief ran deep.
It showed up in my romantic relationships as I would run at the first sign of rejection or invalidation. It showed up on the morning after a party when I felt so much guilt and remorse for my alcohol consumption and eradicate behavior. If a job gave me corrective criticism, I would tremble inside and need to go cry in the bathroom. I constantly felt I was failing my young child for not being more "together."
It haunted me. I wanted desperately to know self-love. I was determined and tried every suggestion. I felt so frustrated that I still was so self-sabotaging and my self-esteem so fragile.
When would it be my turn to "get there." I wanted to chew everyone's head off that told me, "you just gotta love yourself, Robin." AHHHHH. Don't you see me trying, I would think.
What I found was, it takes consistent committed action. When you abandon yourself or succumb to the dreadfully negative self-beliefs, you must come back with compassion over and over again. There's no race. Just do it, stay committed.
It is the accumulation of corrective experiences from choosing self-love even in the midst of seeming disaster that we arrive at a new self-love threshold.
Will we still abandon ourselves at times? Surely. But now we will have a new point of reference of what it feels like to be in love with who you are and your place in the world.
I discovered I was more lovely, more radiant, more powerful, more creative, more sexy than I ever could of imagine. I felt the delight of my own presence wash in and through me in ecstasy. I thought to myself, "My God, I had it all wrong. I am the opposite of what I thought. Everyone must know the truth about who they are."
Thus, my work in the world became clear. I must be the warrior of light to help shine on people's shadows so they, too, can feel such exhilaration and revelation about just how lovely they are.